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  • What do American beer and a rowing-boat have in common? - They're both close to water.
  • Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
  • I drink to make other people interesting.
  • A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
  • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading
  • You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  • A little man walked into a bar and slipped on a pile of dog poo by the door. Moments later, a burly biker came in and slipped on it as well. ". The little man said: "I just did that." and the biker hit him.

  • One more drink and I'd be under the host.
  • A man had spent all day drinking in a bar. By ten o'clock at night, he was blind drunk but still wanted more. However he had run out of money. "I must have another drink," he told the bartender. "Can't you put it on the slate?"

    Once again a drunk was standing there, leaning against the wall and looking decidedly the worse for wear. But before the samaritan could do anything, the drunk I staggered over to a passing police officer and said: "Officer, protect me from thisman. He keeps taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"
  • A drunk staggered into a Catholic church and ended up in the confession booth. After a few moments, the priest said: "What do you need my son?" The drunk asked: "Is there any paper on your side?"

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